how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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