i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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