Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
