i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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