a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have aggressive nipples.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
