yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
