i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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