True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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