Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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