why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
