his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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