i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
