Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
