based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
