i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
