Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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