why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
