At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
