I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The adults are the big ones right?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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