she was so not down for the gang bang
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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