happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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