This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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