.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
