remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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