You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
