oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
