so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my being single is dangerous.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
