I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sorry about my life...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
