yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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