Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
