Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
