Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
