I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
