I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
