um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
