I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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