Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
