Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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