I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Green mimosas i think yes
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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