Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
where are my eyebrows?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
