I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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