nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
