it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
