I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
