This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
