Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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