Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
