i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
