You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
