Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
