wat bout pragnant strippers??
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
